L'Esprit D'Escalier
by methodtothismadness
Summary: Matthew Williams was not happy about this new school. Alfred was. But he was an idiot. An idiot who didn't even see how hot Gilbert Beilschmidt was. So whatever. A rewrite of my old story of the same name. Better, stronger, more... prucan.


** AN: Well here we go. I'm bringing this story back from the dead like a deranged necromancer. I haven't written in a while and I may be rather rusty so this will be a good exercise. I'm hoping it's going to be so much better than before. **

_L'Esprit D'Escalier. Translated into English it means the spirit of the staircase. It represents the feeling of being unable to find the right words until the moment has passed- when you reach the bottom of the stairs_.

Matthew Williams was not happy. He was not happy about the 7 hour drive he had just had to endure. He was not happy that his suitcase's wheels were broken and so he had to drag it with great effort across the pavement. He was not happy that the soles of his shoes were tearing and he kept tripping on the floppy rubber bottoms that folded under his feet every time he took a step. He was especially not happy that his brother, Alfred, was extremely happy instead of sharing his misery.

He and Alfred had lived separately from each other for the majority of their lives. Though they spent holidays together and texted almost constantly. They had been inseparable before their parents divorce when Matthew was five and Alfred was six. Though the two looked almost identical they were, in truth, only half brothers with different fathers which their mother had been able to hide for the first five years of Matthews life and when revealed was the very messy end of their lovely little 1950's style nuclear family. Matthew and his mother, Madeline, had moved back to her hometown in Canada while Alfred stayed with his father, Frederick, in New York City. The boys had been heartbroken and had on several occasions attempted to run away from their homes to be together. Neither had thought much about where they would live. Matthew suggested the hockey rink. Al insisted on living in a McDonald's play-place. Alfred _had_ once managed to make it two towns over before being found. And so their parents had agreed to at least spend holidays together. And pay for postage for the scribbled crayon letters that were indecipherable to anyone other than Matthew and Alfred. The two had stayed close as they grew up . By the time they were 16 and 17 Matthew had even made gains in being on good terms with Alfred's father who, as an old-fashioned and conservative man, had always resented Matthew for being a child born "out of wedlock and as the spawn of adultery" (in his words). Truly, Matthew had though everything was going very well. Until he had come to terms with his sexuality and not exactly being straight as an arrow about a year ago. Coming out to his mother had been easy. She was the exact opposite of her former husband. They had sat down at their small kitchen table, sipped at herbal tea, and talked for hours.

"Matthew, sweetie, you know I'll love you no matter who you end up with." His mother had stroked his cheek and pulled him in for a tight hug. "But maybe... we won't tell Fred."

And Matt had to agree. However, something like this could not be hidden from Al. So after the conversation with his mother he had sat down at his computer and Skype called his big brother about 50 times before the jerk answered the call (really, could he not sense this was an important conversation- no wait... of course he couldn't since Al couldn't read the atmosphere unless it gained corporeal form and punched him straight in the jaw).

"Mattie!" Alfred's voice crackled through his headphones. "What's up lil' bro?"

"I've got to tell you something, dude." The younger looked away from the screen and shrunk down further into his large red sweater.

"Okay. Spill." Al munched on chips while he spoke, amplified through the mic of the gaming headset he used.

"I'm not... exactly... how would I put this?" Matthew paused and wrung his hands "You see I'm not really s-straight I mean I don't r-really know what I am oh God I'm sorry I don't even know how to put this I mean- I think I'm into guys I'm sorry I should have-" Matthew dropped his head into his hands and continued ranting. Though Alfred couldn't understand him.

"Mattie! Bro! Chill!" Alfred must have dropped the bag of chips he had been eating as he raised his hands up to try to break Matt out of his nervous rambling. "Just, like, take a deep breath ok?"

Matthew obliged, taking a deep breath and looking at the screen where Alfred's face showed confusion and worry in low resolution. He did his best to get his thoughts together.

"I'm into guys, okay? That's what I'm saying here." He swiped his hands through his blonde hair. Mussing up the waves of his hockey hair.

"What? Dude is that it? I figured that out like two years ago!" Alfred smiled at the screen and disappeared for a moment as he bent down to grab the bag of chips. "I mean like, you're my best friend, of course I would figure it out."

Matthew had stared at the screen with his mouth hung open. Then had laid his head down on his desk and accepted that, even if Alfred had no ability to read the atmosphere, he would always be able to know what was going on with his brother.

"Wait?! Two years ago? I just figured it out like a couple months ago!"

After the two had laughed about Alfred's highly intuitive Mattie Instincts (as he called them) they returned to life as normal. With the addition of Matt talking about the cute boys at his school as well as girls.

And then their birthday's had happened. With the boys birthday only 3 days away from each other they always spent the first week of July together. It was then that Alfred let slip, in front of his father, Matthew's sexuality. Frederick had exploded. Phoned Madeline and screamed at her down the phone for "allowing this to happen".

Their birthday's that year had been a solemn affair to say the least.

However, for all his old-fashioned ideals, Frederick had not been any more cruel to Matthew than usual. Believing that this was the result of a less than structured childhood and no strong male father figure as Matthew's biological father had flown the coop once Madeline had told him she was expecting and that she wanted to raise him as Frederick's son. He decided that what Matthew needed, what both boy's needed was more structure and that took the form of boarding school.

[XXXXXXXX]

Alfred Jones was very happy. He was happy that he was going to a new school. He was happy that there was a McDonald's only five minutes from the campus. He was happy that he had managed to bring along a lot of his video games He was happy that this school offered an archaeology course and he was one step closer to becoming Indiana Jones. And he was especially happy that his little brother and best friend was going to be with him all the time now instead of just twice a year!

The excited boy hitched his large pack higher up on his shoulder and took a look around the school. APH Collegiate Institute. The school was separated into different buildings. Boys dormitory on the west. Girls on the east. Classroom's were all located in one large building smack dab in the centre of the large campus. There were also a few smaller buildings. Consulting his map of the school it seemed they were used mostly for clubs, or were small student run stores.

"Aren't you super pumped, bro?" Alfred practically skipped alongside his brother. Sure they weren't going to be in the same classes as he was a year older but their dormitories were right next door to each other.

"I honestly don't know how you're excited about this." Matt slumped.

"We're gonna be living together! How are you not excited? We can have sleepovers and play video games all night and do each others hair and nails and gossip and braid each other's hair."

"We're not doing that." Matthew had to smile at that. He was happy to be with his brother. He was just not happy that he was not in Canada. Probably wouldn't be able to find a decent bottle of maple syrup. Maybe his mom would send him some if he asked very nicely.

"Bluh, you are so not fun." Alfred pretended to pout, then his stomach growled. "Shit, I need to eat. McDick's ain't far from here. I'm gonna go grab something, kay?"

"Wait, Al-" But his brother was off. There was no stopping that boy once he had food on the brain. Fuck, Matthew pulled his map out of his large sweater, which bore a white maple leaf. His silent rebellion. "Okay... office is in the main building. Better get headed over there, eh?" He muttered to himself.

The pathways on the campus were all basic concrete. With easily understandable maps and bushes and flowers lining around every building Matthew had to admit that the school was lovely and it would definitely be a good school where he would get a top rate education. It was the same school that Alfred's father had attended as a boy. And as such they had some perks as legacies. Alfred would most likely join the fraternity that his father had been a part of. Matt would be perfectly happy without that. He doubted he would be accepted even as a legacy. He was a forgettable boy. Often invisible. And he didn't doubt that was about to change. It would probably get worse since he now had Alfred beside him as the natural attention sponge he was. What a dick.

Matthew arrived at the main building and pushed open the heavy wooden doors. Straight inside was the office where he would be able to get the key to his room. As he entered the office the small office lady didn't look up from her computer that she was punching the keys at. Matt picked up his suitcase so as not to scuff the fancy looking floors and approached the desk.

"Um, excuse me." He spoke. "I need to get my room key please?"

The woman was engrossed in whatever her work was and when Matthew peaked at the screen he saw that there was no way that she was filing taxes. Unless there was some monetary value in the sentence "his throbbing member".

"E-Excuse me!" Matthew tried to speak louder.

'Oh!" The woman gasped, taken aback by the sudden materialization of a boy. "Sorry dear. Didn't see you there. Need your room key?"

"Yes please. I'm Matthew Williams." Matthew shifted from foot to foot as the grey haired woman flipped through a rather large folder.

"Hmmm... I'm not seeing a Williams M. in here."

"Um... It might be under Jones then?" Damn it. He should have figured Frederick would have listed him as his name instead of his mother's maiden name.

"Alfred Jones, is it?" She peered at him over her the edge of her glasses.

"N-no, sorry, that's my brother. Matthew. Matthew is my name." He corrected her and blushed. Not even an hour into his arrival and he'd already been confused for Al.

"Listen here 'Matthew'. I'm not seeing anyone under that name here so you better cut the funny business. I'm not as young as I once was but that doesn't mean I'm going to stand for this nonsense." She put the folder down on her desk and pursed her lip together.

"But- no I'm not being funny. M-May I see the book? I'm sure there's just a misunderstanding, eh?"

The woman looked like she was about to go on a tirade about the arrogance of youth but just then the door slammed open and three boys spilled into the room. One knocking Matthew and forcing his funny bone to hit the edge of the desk.

"Ouch, fuck." Matthew swore under his breath and screwed up his face in pain. An old hockey injury had left his arm more sensitive to pain than usual.

Meanwhile the three boys had righted themselves and were being berated by the woman at the desk.

"Not even three days into the school year and you three are already making trouble! I won't be standing for it this year! Do you understand! You better buck up or I'll be seeking drastic measures!" She fumed and her face had gone as red as the maple leaf on the Canadian flag. The boys protested all at once. Saying that it wasn't their fault. The freshmen wanted them to draw sharpie penises on his face. One caught Matthew's eyes though, which were still watering from the pain, a boy with white hair and red eyes which made his own purple-ish eyes seem natural. Albino? He must have been.

"Oh! Mon dieu!" Hands were suddenly clasped to the sides of Matthew's face and a long haired blonde boy with brilliant blue eyes was mothering about him.

"Why oh why is such a lovely boy crying? Did this horrid _putain_ upset you?" Matthew's eyes widened at the French accent and insult.

"N-Non! Non, ca va bien! Ne vous en faite pas. Je me suis b-blesse mon bras."

"Vous parlez francais! Magnifique! Tres bien, tres bien!" The French boy didn't remove his hands from Matthew's face. If anything his grip got tighter as he heard his mother tongue.

"Oui, I live, o-or used to live in Quebec..." Matthew tried to tug out of the boys hands.

"Oi! Francis, you're hurting the kid can't you see! He's probably crying because he saw your ugly face!" The white haired boy tugged at the blonde haired boys, Francis's collar and pulled him off Matthew. Francis slumped against the third boy and threw his hand over his eyes mumbling something about "the cruel words of the beast."

"T-thanks!" Matthew stared at the boy. His eye's were red. Red as red could be. His white hair was side swept and looked like he had just rolled out of bed.

"No worries kid. I'm Gilbert, and that's Antonio." Gilbert gestured to a darker skinned boy with deep brown hair and sleepy green eyes who smiled at Matt.

"I'm-" Matthew was cut off as he was about to introduce himself. The woman, the steam coming from her ears nearly visible, had rounded the desk and was wielding a ruler like a weapon.

"You three! In the Dean's office now!"

The boys trudged into the office, not wanting to risk a swift slap on the wrist with a wooden ruler. Before they closed the door Gilbert threw a smirk back at Matthew who blushed against his wishes. After the woman had settled back down at her desk she looked again at the book.

"Sorry about that. Those three have been in trouble from the first moment they set foot in this school. Best not get involved with them. They're no good. No good at all. Now, what was your name again?"

After 5 minutes of looking in the book they finally found Matthew's listing. Under Williams-Jones, Matthew. The woman, he had learned her name was Miss Jules, handed him his room key and his class schedule which Matt read as he made his way to his dorm room.

Art, World History, Canadian history, Chemistry, Latin, English, Writers Craft, and music were to be his classes for the year. Matthew was overall happy with the course load. He had wanted to take more language classes but most had conflicted with other classes. He loved the arts. Painting, writing and analyzing literature he couldn't get enough of. But what he was most looking forward to was his Latin and music classes. He had been itching to learn Latin- but it hadn't been offered at his previous school. And music was always somewhere he was noticed. The fiddle in his suitcase, wrapped in protective layers of sweaters and jeans, was his prized possession. His mother, who had spent many of her childhood summers in the Maritimes, had learned to fiddle as a young girl and had taught Matthew when he was very young as well.

When he reached his dorm room he shut the door and slumped onto the tiny bed with every intention of falling asleep but a rustling from inside his backpack roused him. He crawled off the bed and kneeled down beside the bag. Unzipping the pack white ears popped out.

"Sorry Kuma. I almost forgot about you." The cat yawned and blinked at him.

"I said I was sorry, ok, you want some tuna?" That made the cat leap out of the bag and start purring against Matt's leg. He knew he wasn't allowed pets at school but how could he ever leave Kumajiji? No one knew how to take care of the round, pure white cat but him. They had been together years now. Ever since Matt had found him in the woods and offered him some tuna from his tuna sandwich. The cat had followed him home and that was that. No way was he leaving his sweet little kitty cat who didn't really seem to care about him unless he was being fed alone. Plus Kuma didn't seem at all to mind being carried around in a backpack. He had done it all the time at his old school. And between his not often being noticed and his talent for puppy dog eyes he never got in trouble.

Now that he was up off the bed he took a moment to look at the room that was to be his home for the next 7 months. It wasn't a bad room at all. A large window with a wide windowsill. Bookshelves covering one wall. A large desk and what looked like a comfortable chair and a average sized dresser. All a rich dark wood contrasting with the plain white walls. He would have to get some posters to liven it up. Stretching out along the floor as Kumakili ate he pulled random books out of his suitcase. Novels, journals, and a photo album that he had managed to squeeze into his suitcase. Matthew sighed and dealt with the fact that it would just be easier to unpack now than leave it till later.

Not long after his books were lined up neatly, his clothes were folded and place in the dresser, and his fiddle was resting on the windowsill. He would have to find out how sound proof the walls were if he wanted to play it in here without disturbing his neighbors. Matt sat on the windowsill and pulled his legs up against his chest as he looked out onto the courtyard. Students milled about in street clothes, and he figured that the uniform he had hanging from the back of his door was only needed on days with class. As his eyes wandered over the students a patch of white, flanked by blonde and brown caught his attention. Those three must have been released from whatever lecture they were getting from the Dean. Matthew blushed at the memory of Gilbert, very attractive, entirely too attractive smirk. The three rough housed as they made their way into the Boy's Dormitory and Matt wondered vaguely at which floor they lived on. He also spotted Alfred, clutching what looked like a key, and a large McDonalds bag walking the same way. The sight of food starts a thought in Matthew's mind. His mother. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and opened up his email app. Would his mom remember to eat good healthy foods? The woman was busy. She had worked two jobs to support Matthew as a single mother and so a lot of the household work had fallen to him. He didn't mind. He enjoyed cooking meals and having her be able to come home to a warm dinner on the table. With him away at school he worried that she would fall into the habit of eating junk food. 1 New Email. His phone announced. He swiped his thumb across the screen to open it.

To: mistermaple

From: madelienecwillaims

_Subject: How are u ?_

_Hi sweetie! How are you? How was the bus ride? I hope you made it to school alright. I've been worried. I miss you already. No more marathons of dumb TV shows and hot chocolate with maple syrup in it (btw you left ur jug here do you want me to send it to you?)_

_what's that thing you and al use? Skye? Can you help me use that thing and we can talk like that! _

_And where's the cookbook? i cant find it anywhere? _

_And where's kuma? _

_Okay mattie let me know if you need anything. i miss you. kisses and hugs. please email me back asap _

_love mom _

Matthew smiled and began to type out a reply

_Subject: Re: How are u?_

_Hi mom. i'm fine dont worry about me. the bus ride was long but i got here alright and met al at the station like we said. im gonna miss watching dumb tv with you too (and yes please send me the maple syrup)_

_It's called skype. I'll help you set it up no problem._

_the cookbook should be on the kitchen table. its colour coded ok. red is for easy recipes. pink is for your favourites. and blue is anything you dont like. _

_kuma is fine. dont worry about it. _

_love, matt_

Matthew sent off the email and tossed his phone onto the bed. He could hear his brother coming down the hall, sounding like he was talking to someone and getting along just swell with them. Of course it had only taken him a few minutes to make friends. Matt laid his head down onto his knees and pet Kumaberi, who had curled up on his feet when the tuna was finished.

This was going to be a very long year.

**Ending AN: Wow. Okay. So rewriting this story might not be as hard as I thought. I'm already liking it a lot more? More backstory. Less tropey. It will be funnier in the coming chapters. I just had to kinda power through this first one to prove to myself I could do it. Of course it will still follow the same plotline as the original (mostly) so no big surprises. And prucan. Always prucan. Never not prucan. I am happy with making Alfred and Matthew much much closer though. Sticking closer to canon since it's canon that they just hang out like all the time. Hahaha wow I stayed up till 5 am writing this. Please review if you want me to keep on rewriting. **


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